An Ode to Self-Love

Things I like about myself:
* my aptitude to make connections w people I meet

* My drive

* My knack for culinary experimentation 

* My immaturity 

* My maturity 

* My love & respect for nature 

* My damn good intuition 

* My pun skillz 

* My playfulness 

* My taste in music 

* My budding curiosity 

* How I sing

* My ignorance re: all things Trump

* My natural athletic strength 

* My extroversion 

* My introversion 

* My coffee and wine snobbery 

* My passion in helping others 

* My determination 

* My desire for self growth 

* My love of sharing 

* My inner wisdom, finding it

* My desire for learning: to listen, relax, love myself, heal, help, hack allthethings

* My Grind time and drive to beat it

You?

No Worries

Today, I swam for the first time in bout 8 months. It was in a warm water pool dubbed “therapeutic” and shit man at 89 degrees it was balmy AS. First time I think I can say it was a pool that was TOO hot. But it felt so good to move in the water.  My ass hurts my legs hurt I am so anxious in my mind that I’m craving the physical release from exercise and it’s hard. I swam easy, I still need to move.

It brought me back to Vancouver and I miss it so much.

I went to a horse therapy farm on Tuesday round Caledon and it was also really cool. Animals have such an intuition for healing.  The horses read my energy incredibly; one horse was even reiki-gifted and honestly, wonky yogi tingz aside- when I put my hands on his strong coat, I feltthatshithard thatswhatshesaid.

There’s such merit in things we can’t put into words but can feel. Like the water silencing the world and moving weightlessly through it. 

Like stepping meditatively one foot at a time up a mountain.  Nature giving mind a rest from pitter patter of constant thoughts. 

Like connecting with people and laughing about farts, Mitch Hedberg jokes, and cats that have been shaved like a lion post-vet named Rhombus from math-loving owners.  

Like the hashtag #my4wordobituary



Like the feeling after a run, a trail run where you hop over tree trunks and boulders. Like really “getting” what someone is telling you about their experiences, just like, totally vining with their expression. 

Like making a beautiful meal out of backyard veggies, or foraged goods from the forest.  Like feeling the powerful magestic brilliance of a horse under my small palm, stroking its shiny coat. So powerful but gentle.  

My heart is aching for nature and I feel so pulled to Vancouver Island. I know that wherever I go, I take myself with me. I know I’m not healed yet. But I also know that Toronto noise and culture is not for me and I’m sick from it.

Universe, show me a sigh plzandthankyou.

2014 wishiwasoutwest

This is “plantain tea” the plant grows everywhere and it’s good for tummy issues. Mami likes👌🏻

Picture update

Hike at Kartuzy Lodge I did daily while at my cottage, 20 min-back, perfect for moving on my non-training bout of last week Tuesday-Friday

Unshelling fresh hazelnuts I picked off a tree

Pit(a) stop “chicken” salad from Pita pit…n**** gotta eat (not organic, def GMO…I let go)

Foraging

My backyard in The Hood #Scarborough

That flower’s edible…right?

How I do burgers

Not a duplicate, two different days, habit creature, hey

Camping Solo 

Rest day today, camping tomorrow. 

I ground my coffee #thanksReunionIsland 

I cooked my cabbage, and made a slaw #thanksBerryFreshFarms (started working there today!)



I prepped some things and froze others:


I learned fire building tips from a pro, thanks Cris!

I’m going to be ight, and am looking forward to being in nature, the constant noise here is getting to me. My body wants a break from training, but mind is racing. Bringing yoga mat, hiking shoes and kayak. Trying to match mind level w body needs, slow things down.

Music is made in the silence between the notes.

Anxious

Up since 3am.

Hungry and anxious because I’m booked for camping Monday – Fri, meaning no training, out-of-comfort zone meals, letting go…reading, I’m so excited to rest but scared as well. I’m forcing it on myself. I know my body is in danger if I don’t listen to it, and I mean like- heart/stress fracture kind of scary.

I’ve got to pack and prepare and really don’t love this part. #Allthebeefjerky 

Might document #paleocamping … but also #fuckdiets so might not….will see.

Here’s my list for now- not bringing it all:

Corn on cob= challenge- even non-gmo but want to fire-pit n’ butter tha shi na mean? Also: anyone made “Spider hot-dogs”?

Anyone in Algonquin next week?

Here’s my big ass salad bc I’m hungry, lunch?  “OKAY, bodyyyy!” You want food? Okay!

What’s in here? What’s NOT in here! We got avo nooch hummus sesame seeds peanuts hummus and veg from garden (cukes came in!)


Also dl good music for the road, like this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HZYhcyHNo8 

“FINE, body!”

A great athletic therapist I’ve seen once suggested that when my body speaks and asks for nourishment, and my mind rebels- when there is that tug-of-war between my heart and head- she suggested observing my body and reacting with compassion. 

She suggested that I respond by taking a second (like when I hear hunger strike at a “non-delegated meal time”) and responding with semi-exasperated albeit compassionate communication: “fineeee, body, OK, body.” (Minor eye roll)

That helped me put it into perspective, minimizing the struggle of “letting go”. As if it’s some kind of competition and instead of letting my mind “lose”, I just let the body be and surrender.

This helped me when I woke up at 3am famished and didn’t feel like a snack to tide me over- bitchwantedbreakfast…so:

After my abs n shit


I ate: very unphotogenic smoothie so I deleted it.

And then after I did my ride, I lay down for a bit. But was hungry for “lunch”(?????) at like 9!?

Egg avo hummus sesame seeds nooch. Also: my plates usually look like this with an array of condiments around them- I make it simple for most pics but like, secondsaregood.


I guess this is like the “pre-elevensies”…

So that little sentence helps.

I have a job interview today at a fruit market, that’ll be sweet because I am so needing work. 

And probs camping next week in boonies for peace.

Challo 👩🏼‍🌾

Can I eat dinner at 4:30?

Yuuuuuup! 

Salmonskinisbae

Egg avo sauce: mooch, almond milk, smoked paprika, salt, Sriracha