Up since 3am.
Hungry and anxious because I’m booked for camping Monday – Fri, meaning no training, out-of-comfort zone meals, letting go…reading, I’m so excited to rest but scared as well. I’m forcing it on myself. I know my body is in danger if I don’t listen to it, and I mean like- heart/stress fracture kind of scary.
I’ve got to pack and prepare and really don’t love this part. #Allthebeefjerky
Might document #paleocamping … but also #fuckdiets so might not….will see.
Here’s my list for now- not bringing it all:
Anyone in Algonquin next week?
Here’s my big ass salad bc I’m hungry, lunch? “OKAY, bodyyyy!” You want food? Okay!
Also dl good music for the road, like this:
A great athletic therapist I’ve seen once suggested that when my body speaks and asks for nourishment, and my mind rebels- when there is that tug-of-war between my heart and head- she suggested observing my body and reacting with compassion.
She suggested that I respond by taking a second (like when I hear hunger strike at a “non-delegated meal time”) and responding with semi-exasperated albeit compassionate communication: “fineeee, body, OK, body.” (Minor eye roll)
That helped me put it into perspective, minimizing the struggle of “letting go”. As if it’s some kind of competition and instead of letting my mind “lose”, I just let the body be and surrender.
This helped me when I woke up at 3am famished and didn’t feel like a snack to tide me over- bitchwantedbreakfast…so:
I ate: very unphotogenic smoothie so I deleted it.
And then after I did my ride, I lay down for a bit. But was hungry for “lunch”(?????) at like 9!?
I guess this is like the “pre-elevensies”…
So that little sentence helps.
I have a job interview today at a fruit market, that’ll be sweet because I am so needing work.
And probs camping next week in boonies for peace.
Recovery is messy,
Confusing up down stressy,
Gut-wrenching and pesky,
Is this meal brunch? Linner? Breaky?
HoWent to cousin’s beautiful wedding yesterday #bitchdidwha
Challenge and good.
Rest day today, hard AS
Marinating on it, and sharing allthefeels soon.
Much love to whoever reads this, (I love you)
Homade curry #bitchdidwha
When I bought this from Sorauren Market, it was a challenge. It’s easier to buy these things than make them bc when I make them I skimp on shit freely (sub yam for like, cauli or some shit…) but bub DELIVERED and made this: with ghee bc #OGHEE
have to say…”oh she glows” is a rather irritating name for a blog (sorry Angela #imhonest), although so is “halfbakedunrealist” (SOMEONE HELP me WITH MY WEBSITE IVE BEEN TRYING TO CHANGE THIS ANNOYING NAME FOR YEARS). Buttttt woman has some real good recipes (minus so much soy) esp when trying to eat more carbs.
My house smells great, this curry will be yum.
Also, instead of the chilli flakes, I used a green chilli that I snagged from the planter at Reunion Island #thanksAdam (againwiththehonesty) #willrepaywithbasilmojito
Didn’t want to do my ride. Legs like “wtf”…Did anyways. One day, I’ll learn.
Also came across two inspirations: Coach Tawnee (this article was amazing in depicting the internal dialogue around food with anorexia…bless) and Tina Muir (fucking fast AS chick and wicked woman, Hypothalamic Amenorrhea overcomer, inspiration, support).
There’s support out there and it feels so good to know I’m not alone.
Sorauren Market is great, today, I am pokémon:
Great convo w Hooked staff, Jon/Pat(? Probablyneither imshitwnames) about body image/health. So prevalent, I honestly don’t know a single person who hasn’t been touched with body image/food related confusion in life.
Also I unplugged for most of the day and it felt great!