How “Self-Love” Heals Anorexia

IMG_3162In reading excerpts from “The Evolutionary Bases of Consumption” By Gad Saad research points to the self-explanatory reasoning for the basic cessation of period via self-starvation because of a conscious or subconscious belief that the woman doesn’t want to procreate.

Reading this, and knowing this (because of my own self-analysis of my eating disorder, I had an “aha moment” regarding this whole “self love” concept.  Self-love self-love, all over the mindfulness blog posts etc.  But personally, it’s a vague concept to me.  I realized something though: growing up, all the comments, all the words, all the mirrors, and combined with being a sensitive woman, I somehow cultivated enough self-hate to determine that I wasn’t worthy of procreation.  Therefore; self-starvation was my means of continuing a half-life, while self-punititive for my imperfections

Maybe self-love is the idea that I am beautiful as I am, and that in itself is enough for me to be “worthy” of creating life!  I’ve always shunned the masochistic view of femininity, never one to quote Women Who Run with the Wolves and feel right about using the term “divine feminine” or “goddess”…So in my own words, the idea of being beautiful is innate, it’s a feeling more than a thought.  And I’m realizing that if I believe it truly, regardless of the mirror, then all of my actions stem from that space of being nice to myself and treating myself with the most care that I have the current knowledge of to simple feel good.

I’ve realized that my subconscious harnessed this self-hatred while my conscious mind was in denial.  I wasn’t acknowledging my past history with men, boys, rude asshole comments while I would be running outside, going to Western , living with 7 girls who were all trying to find themselves in a sea of image-conscious youngins wearing uggs and raybans….being a perfectionist, and being bullied.

I pretended that it didn’t matter that the girl at the bar last night was wearing the same dress as me, and her “crew” was picking at comparing our bodies,  that a man yelled that “if you ran more, your thighs’ll look better”, or that I was “ok-looking”.  That shit hurts, though!

Somewhere along the way, I was in so much hidden pain, feeling alone, and without an outlet of expressing it, that I cultivated the belief that I needed to stop myself from being healthy enough to further the human kind because of unworthiness.  WOW.

So now, with instagram, facebook, snapchat, and all the other forms of social media, I’m pretty sure that it is of utmost importance that this issue be brought to light for girls, AND guys, from a young age. There’s gotta be mindfulness and awareness brought to the detriments of negative self-talk and societal perfectionism.

So that sums up the idea of “self-love”: having a strong enough self-image that the outer voices don’t have the power to shake us.  To be able to block of the outer noise, knowing deeply and having that sense of security in ourselves and the innate beauty that we all have.  “Divinity” or whatever you want to call it, everyone deserves to feel that.

I’m going to go meditate on this.  Maybe this is my calling right now.

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