Herrow

First blog post, more of a blog to write to myself than anything else.  Thoughts tend to get disorganized in my mind, so here’s a way for me to try to express myself systematically, and remember things I don’t want to forget.

Currently, my life is being consumed by an athletic injury.  Being plagued by impatience and frustrated beyond words sparks a vicious cycle of anger-hoplelessness-and spiralling depression.  Frankly, I feel robbed of my identity.  Like, if you’ve ever had your house broken into, you know that feeling where you don’t feel safe in your room or whatever, and your personal space is tainted and not yours, I feel that way with myself.  I get occasional sparks of recognition, especially brought on when I’m around others who reflect me, but that one-on-one interaction of me and nature, flying freely and effortlessly (yeah that’s a sick joke) down a trail is lost.  Lost is a good word for describing my place right now. That and fuck. I say fuck a lot these days.  Dirty mouth, frustrated.

This is kinda cool, I’m digging it.  Blogs piss me off sometimes, apart from my good friend Cheryl’s at http://happyisthenewhealthy.com/ (who is really a wicked role model for anyone who wants to live a good life, yeah I’ll say that boldly and broadly-she’s rad).  But I figured this will be a good way for me to think things out and deal with my injury.  I am eagerly anticipating the healed day when I will be able to train and become a strong, self-driven and self-competitive athlete so I can realize my potential and push my body, see just how far I can go and be fucking free.

 

More to come….that’s what she said.

“Every wall is a door” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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2 thoughts on “Herrow

  1. Mel,
    You are such a survivor, think about how much you have overcome in this recovery process. You will be back, and better than ever when your completely healed… but for now think about how much better you’re getting at other aspects of your life. You are truly a superstar, and if only you could just take a step back from everything and realize how many small accomplishments you have been achieving and how amazing of a person you are. Please continue posting for all to see and thanks for letting me join you in this recovery. Know that I am here every step of the way Mel! Love you so much!

    • Becky thank you so much for those kind words, you have such a knack at bringing me up when I’m down. Oh you are so wonderful, thank you. I just got off the phone with physio and managed to move my Thursday appointment up to tomorrow morning, so I will get to see results then. Oh my god, answers answers answers! I have so much love and thankfulness for you

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